There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Sometimes I tell myself, well I can be prideful but I really don’t think highly of myself because the Bible says pride comes before the fall. Honestly, it’s not that I’m misunderstanding the proverb. Rather, I’m in denial that I can be a good person; so I’m finding every excuse to not think good about the person I am. Here’s the thing, you won’t be a bad person if you are kind to yourself and believe that what you put your hand to won’t turn into dust.
You know, every one has self-doubt. I think it’s normal. But, to have so much doubt in yourself that you are detrimental in your growth is not ok or normal. Having a life where you consistently doubt yourself can negatively affect your life. So, what exactly is self-doubt anyway? Simply put, it is the absence of confidence you have in yourself.
Why do we have it? I’d like to think it’s because we’re human. We focus on our past or our mistakes that we suddenly feel that everything we do is wrong. The woman who kept going back to her lover because they believed they “loved” them doubted that she deserved someone who would love her and treat her kindly. The child that wanted to be an artist growing up lost their dream because the critics were so quick to disparage his creativity. The man who grew up with a father that mentally and verbally abused him as a child could never get pass the hump that he could be anything he wanted to be.
I’m not the greatest at self kindness but I’m going to give this a shot. What can we do about it? Here is a list of things that could help you conquer self-doubt.
- Understand you aren’t perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.
- Celebrate the small successes. When you cook an amazing dinner, celebrate. When you run three miles, celebrate. When you finish that puzzle, celebrate. Self doubt is the enemy of success.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. You are your own person. So what if your overachieving friend from high school has a doctorate degree!? You have an incredible job, a happy life, an amazing partner, a dog that things he’s a lap dog and two kiddos that love and adore you and think you’re super woman.
- Stay in the present. You’ll hear those nagging voices tell you that you can’t do it. You know what is so empowering? Proving someone wrong. You were told you’d never graduate high school? Graduate. You were told you could never complete a Spartan Race? Find a group of people and kill that course.
- Give yourself permission to try…over and over again. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither was this world. I’m just saying.
- Learn to take a break. When self-doubt is weighing me down, nothing helps more than a day at the spa or lounging on my couch eating nutella and popcorn bingeing on my favorite shows.
- Accept help. This world is rough running alone. Find a running buddy. Or buddies. This is so incredibly important. Surround you with a circle that loves and nourishes who you are.
- Show self compassion. Be. Kind. To. Yourself. What more can be said?
- Stop asking for validation. People don’t need to validate what you’re doing or who you are. You’re weakening your faith in yourself by doing so. It’s ok to take advise from others, but ultimately you need to do what you feel is right for you.
- Ground yourself. Sometimes I wonder why God would love someone like me. But, then I remember that He just does. He loves the unlovable and through His love everything and anything is possible. I take hold of my values, of my faith, and center myself.
Creating this list was actually easier than I thought. Lovelies, it is doable. You want to achieve something that you really want? It isn’t due to a lack of ability. Self doubt makes it seem impossible. But, imagine how far you’ll go by just believing in yourself. Conquer the fear of not being good enough.
Inhale confidence. Exhale doubt. xoxo