I alluded to it on the last two posts but my husband and I are considering adoption. Two years ago we were well on our way – well, not really. We talked with agencies and was preparing for classes and a home visit. Then I found out I was pregnant. The adoption phase stopped dead in the water as we celebrated the growth of our son. When we lost Jackson we never thought about adoption again. Well, I didn’t.

It is a new year. A year to grow and heal and so we usher in 2017 with the excitement of this decision. The 2017 year has begun with piles of papers on my desk of research on grants, fundraising, and agencies galore for adoption. Embryo adoption. Open adoption. Closed adoption. Foster to adopt. This is what is in store for us in 2017. We want to share in the journey and I hope you enjoy reading the posts that are to come about this incredible season.

Crossing this bridge has been a been a long road.  Not only because of what we had to endure with Jackson or these last few years. But because of what we are currently enduring. We are going through a current situation in our lives where very few people in our lives have been privy to. Before I get into the emotions of this, blanket prayers are always welcomed.

I wish I could lie to you and tell you there is no fears or worries about the path Jeremy and I are about to embark on. This journey is scary. It’s confusing. And overwhelming. I worry a lot about the fact that while I have helped raise my nephews and niece, my cousins and cared for other children, I may really suck at being a parent. I can take all the classes I can, read all the books in a library but none of it can actually prepare me to safeguard the life or lives of children. This fear hasn’t crippled me, nor will I allow it to, but the thought will always linger.

Has any of you gone through adoption? What were your experiences? Your feelings? Your emotions? Did you have self-doubt? Did your partner? How do you trust the fact that you are ready to love and cherish the child or children that come into your home?

The different avenues to take for adoption doesn’t help. I am well familiar with the feelings of foster care. My heart leads that way. I want to take siblings in that are stuck in the foster care program and just love them with every fiber in my heart. I want them to know that someone loves them, wants to protect them and keep them together, and that they are the most important little people in the world. Foster to Adopt. When we lived in Oregon that wasn’t an option. But moving eleven minutes north has changed that. Washington gives you the amazing possibility to do so.

My husband is open to any type of adoption. But, I know deep down he wants to adopt a baby. He wants to be the daddy that gets to watch his daughter take her first step or say her first word. He wants to be the daddy that gets to watch his son have a fountain go flying once his diaper is removed. He wants to be the daddy to cradle his child in his arms and watch the child fall in love with him making ridiculously insane noises.

We will probably do both. With grants and fundraising (I didn’t know any of those were a thing) I am definitely open in welcoming a little baby into our home. Has anyone done an adoption grant? Or created a fundraising page? What is the best way to create an adoption profile? I’ve seen both video and books. I probably won’t do a video because both the hubby and I are camera-shy. But, I have no idea how to create the book. Every book I come across online is amazing. It is so daunting.

I’ve dabbled in writing grants before, but adoption grants? There is even infertility grants. It’s pretty amazing was is available these days. I need to take the time to actually look more into it. A lot of it is just fear of rejection and the unknown. Or what the next steps are. Couldn’t there be a cookie cutter way to do all of this? I’m not a cookie cutter person but maybe this time I need to be?

So many questions but I do know this: this was what we were meant to do. And the odds could be against us, but that isn’t stopping us from love. xoxo

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