The holiday season is in full swing. And this year feels a little different then the last two years. There is something in the air. Something new. Something good. Something right. The other night I woke up startled from a dream so I jumped on my Pandora seeking worship music to calm me back to sleep. Broken But Healed from Byron Cage began to play.

God knows about your situation
But with every test and every trial there is revelation
That God is able to supply every one of your needs
He’s here to touch you, heal you, He’ll set you free

I had put our Christmas decorations up that night. I love the holidays and by Halloween I am ready to deck the halls with boughs of holly. My husband had brought out the decorations and sat it in the kitchen for me. I opened the ornaments container and was immediately hit with so much grief. I sat beside the container and cried.

I cried because the first thing that greeted me was the ornaments for Jax’s Christmas tree. Last year would have been our son’s first Christmas, so Jeremy got him a Christmas tree and allowed me to decorate it. It was a way for us to honor the memory of our beloved son. It had hit me at that moment that my arms are still empty, still longing to hold our baby boy. So, for a second, I allowed myself to mourn.

God can heal, He can deliver
He can mend your brokenness
He has a miracle to fit your needs
Once you trust Him, you will receive

If you had asked me three months ago how I would have reacted at that moment I would have told you I would have cried, refused to decorate, retired to my bedroom and cried more until I finally fell asleep. Instead, I pulled myself up and began to sing Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone). Though my heart was broken, I didn’t fall into despair.

As the song continued to play I lay in bed listening to the lyrics.

God knows about your situation. He promised it would be okay and that He would never leave me. God is able to supply every one of your needs. He knows the desires of my heart and has promised to fulfill them. God can heal, He can deliver. He promised to take my burdens and give me rest. He has a miracle to fit your needs. God’s timing is perfect, and though He requires me to wait He knows what I need more than I do.

As I listened to the song on repeat I realized that is exactly what He did. He knew my situation and what I needed. Once I stopped doing it alone He healed me and gave me a miracle.

Reach out and touch the Master’s robe
There’s healing for your mind, your body, and your soul

I have talked about mPact in my blogs before. I didn’t come out and say it but originally I didn’t want to be a part of mPact. I didn’t want to help teach children because if I couldn’t live a godly life, how then could I be an example to them? I wasn’t ready. Somehow I still said yes. And that is when I finally let God work the healing that I so desperately needed.

I understood that night that God knew the loss of Jackson broke everything in me. He knew being around kids hurt. He knew that I needed healing and deliverance from the filth, guilt and shame. He wanted to give me a miracle and He gave me ten. And these last three months I wouldn’t trade the world for the experiences I get to learn with the Rainbows as we grow in God together.

I’m sharing this all with you because I know there are those out there who feel alone. You’re out there feeling like you were betrayed, forgotten, lied to. You’re out there not knowing what is left and right, up or down. You feel like you are stuck, in darkness, forever alone. I know those feelings all to well. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. You have people willing to help you, just don’t shut them out. As always I am here sending love and prayers out to you.

I hope all of this makes sense. Don’t give up on yourself.  Love and prayers. xoxo


 

 

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