When I first started this blog I talked about my muse. Nothing has changed much about the reasons why I live the way I do, why I write, why I keep going. My husband still pushes me to be better and I still don’t believe I deserve that unconditional love from him. But, that is a story saved for another day. Since the beginning of this blog I have learned that I have a bigger muse.

There is a fiery passion in me that makes me want to live the way I do, do what I do, love what I do.

There is a fiery passion in me to be all that I can be and to touch the lives of those I come into contact with.

There is a fiery passion in me to be light and love to a world of darkness with funnies (usually unintended) or through acts of kindness.

My bigger muse? Knowing that I only have one life and in this life I am challenged by God to be all that He requires me to be. To continue to grow in reverence to Him. To continue keep the passion, the fire to live life to its fullest. Challenge accepted.

Now, I will be the first one to say that is easier said then done. Take today for example, apparently the state of Washington doesn’t inform you when your vehicle tags are due. I actually don’t know if Oregon does. But, I know Hawaii does. So, here we are waiting for notification from the state. Three months later we are told it has expired. Great. (And yes, people, I know we could have just looked at our tags, but seriously how often do you do that!?)

Or yesterday, my feels were overflowing yesterday. Things happened out of my control and it made for a rough day. It was a day where I had to smile and pretend like the world was my oyster in fear of crumbling to the ground. What made matters worse, my husband had an even crappier day. When it rains, it pours.

This week has been a struggle. But, I’ve had to find reasons for myself, not from others, to keep pushing. To open my kaleidoscope and watch all the beauty around me sparkle. The only way I could do that was by stepping back and letting God work. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want my life to be pretty in pink, or yellow, or orange, or red I need to be able to stop trying to control every aspect of my life and put it in God’s hands. Let Him be my muse to live.

Why am I successful in my job? Because I used the natural God given talents provided to me, cultivated them and worked hard. After all, if you’re too lazy to plow, how do you expect to reap the harvest?

Why can I keep going after mistake after mistake? Psalms 37:24 says that my mistakes do not define me. God forgives me, even after making the same mistake over and over and over again. That is probably why when I cut people out of my life, I am so willing to let them in without them asking forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness is more for me than for them.

Why do I have the heart to help? Always pray to have eyes that see the best, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and the soul to never lose the faith. Because how am I supposed to change the world without kindness? Can you imagine if each person in the world did one random act of kindness today? Imagine a world that wouldn’t be secreted with hate, violence and animosity. That would be our world.

Call it what you want. Muse. Silver lining. Reason for living. Whatever works for you. For me, I call it my faith. The most important part of me. All I have ever wanted was to become who I am becoming. And with faith, hard work, and perseverance God will open doors to allow it.

Find what fires your heart up and make it count. xoxo

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