I have OCD. It isn’t really bad but it isn’t really mild either. If given the chance I’d probably like me to the character Martin of Sleeping With the Enemy – minus the whole if I can’t have you no one can killer mentality part. But, thankfully I’m too short to keep my canned food labels fronted and don’t own enough hand towels to maximize the spaces on my towel rod.

My OCD causes me to wonder what the epitome of life should actually be. Often times my life gives me a flurry of jimjams because nothing is sitting right in my skewed version of perfectionism and happiness. But, this weekend got me to think. Society places high expectations of what our lives should be. We should have the perfect body, the perfect career, the perfect house and family. But, what really makes perfect?

Who has the right to tell me or you how to have our perfect life? Who has the right to tell us what a perfect life looks like? Who has the right to tell us the definition of perfect?

The government doesn’t have that power.
The media doesn’t have that power.
Your family and friends don’t have that power.

The only person to have that power is you.

I don’t think I’m looking for a perfect life. Perfect means there is no room for growth and adventure. I don’t know about you but I enjoy both. So, what is it that I do want if I don’t want a perfect life? A perfect life is over rated. Instead, all I want is happiness.

I read a poem that said:

She bought things with her heartbeats…
She’d give heartbeats to strangers,
While she listened to their woes,
Because a heart’s worth more than money,
As far as money goes…
But money only buys you things,
While heartbeats buy much more,
They buy you loud side-crippling laughter,
That leaves you rolling on the floor
Heartbeats buy you moments,
They buy you tears and hugs and smiles,
They buy you time to reminisce with friends,
You haven’t seen in quite a while.
(Erin Hanson)

That is what makes me happy. The ability to love non strangers and strangers alike. To have intellectual conversations and not so intellectual conversations. To lie on the grass looking at the moon and wishing upon falling stars. To be bound by no human limitations but the freedom to spread my wings and fly to destinations we’ve yet to discover, or only partially discovered. Living each moment, not in perfection, but as the best version of myself, never speaking without regret or the fear of condemnation. To be able to write all day, for myself or for others, and enjoy the creativity that comes out of it. To be able to snuggle with my darling puppies and my love during rainy days, listening to the music of the raindrops.

Imagine living based off of heartbeats. Giving and not expecting anything in return but love. To be bewildered every day by the beauty of life and its people. To sing in the rain, to run through rivers, to scream and shout one liners that make you filled with that deep belly laughter that isn’t holding anything back. To cross things off your bucket list and experience the wonders of life. That is the epitome of what I see as life. A life that allows me to make human mistakes, love and forgive, and to grow and be adventurous. To risk everything and to fly.

I have the power to do all of that and more. So do you. What makes you happy? Find it and don’t let it go. xoxo

 

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