I haven’t written in a while. I’d like to pretend it’s because it is the holiday season and I’m busy with work and such, but I’d be lying. Yes, while work has been drama filled as usual and I’ve been traveling for work the last week, it hasn’t been busy enough to not write. I was told people deserve breaks. True. But, I’ll chalk it up to just being lazy. But, I had to write today and share my news. It snowed last night.
Okay this isn’t like some life altering news that will permanently make my quality of life better or provide peace in a world filled with hate and anger. No, none of that will apply to the fact that it snowed last night. But, you know that feeling when something happens and everything suddenly feels fresh, new, clear? That was me last night. As I left the restaurant I looked up and felt a snowflake land on my cheek. I had to stand there for a bit to make sure what I was seeing, the little icy snowflakes flurrying around me, were real.
I stepped into the parking lot and just stood there. Suddenly the depression I’ve been battling since my arrival in Boise was slated away. The loneliness I was feeling just minutes prior absconded in defeat. The heaviness I felt on my chest during dinner fled with the lightness of those simple flakes. I hurried to my car to be engulfed by its heat and watched a small winter snow shower enfold and I cried. I can’t be sure if it was just happy tears that were being shed. It’s been an awfully long month and so much has happened that I think those tears were a mixture of happy, sad, regret, guilt, relief, and restoration. No matter what it was, it washed away everything it needed to so I could take a step for the better.
Sometimes I think I miss the complexities of the past but then realize the simplicity of today offers me so much more. How much more simple could a floating snowflake landing on your cheek after a long day of work be? How much more simple could accepting a relationship of true and pure love and adoration be? How much more simple could forgiving yourself for what was out of your control be? How much more simple could it be to just take a step in faith knowing that no matter what He’s got you be? Maybe, all of that isn’t as simple as that snowflake but why couldn’t it be?
Last night I realized the complexities of my past happened to make me who I am today. The complexities took shape in my life to mold my heart to love and cherish life and to want to make a difference in the world. The complexities allowed me to experience all that I have to be able to one day relate to someone going through a similar issue and help them. The complexities have taught me to love deeper, challenge life aggressively, and forgive more. Last night the simplicity of that single snowflake wasn’t an identifier of naivety. I know the world isn’t that simple or innocent. Rather, the simplicity of that snowflake gave me a new beginning. A fresh start. A reason to forgive and to love. A reason to accept the changes happening around me.
I wanted to write today, to share the news of snowfall because I wanted you to know that no matter what has happened in the past your life isn’t over. Today, stand in the present and be thankful for one more day of breath to feel that snowflake of clarity, to love the unlovable, to forgive the ones who have hurt you, to forgive yourself, to humbly hear your worth. Today, while your past will always be there, be washed anew knowing you and you alone have the power to make your life what you make of it.
Tutto è perdonabile. Non ingenuo. Il perdono è per me.